Senior Soldiers–Over 60 and Still Fighting–Old Man Crone
I have talked with friends and family many times about the lack of Old Man Crone (C) figures in the media or male narratives–all the stories are about old men dying when they can’t fight any more. How fortuitous that I got this e-mail about an aging soldier who feels like I do, that just because the men are young doesn’t make them better soldiers.
Here is the first example of Old Man Crone (C) that I have found, the elder wisdom that has been missing from the men’s narratives:
Drafting Guys over 60—-this is funny & obviously written by a Former
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down
terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the
whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight,
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military
unit until you’re at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10
seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us
more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and
hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that
desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys
always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m
tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing
some fanatical s-of-a-b….
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put
them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed
and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an
appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get
out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat
and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to
shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back
of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last
thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts
with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are
already behind them.
How about recruiting Women over 50 …with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the
Share this with your senior friends. It’s purposely in big type so they
can read it.
So, perhaps you can spread some of this senior male wisdom. I have noticed before that all men’s narratives have some version of the father sacrificing himself to save his (foolish, immature, unable to see consequences) son, but this one takes the cake. Gentlemen, I would love to see you in action!