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Women Don’t Want to Get Married and Have Children Because It’s A Lot of Work: Who is Surprised?

December 9, 2009
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I have been reading and hearing more stories about women who don’t want to get married and have kids, as if the general populous is surprised by this notion.  Of course, my friends and mother, grandmother, etc. have said much the same thing for years, with the exception of my grandmother’s generation saying they did it once but wouldn’t do it again.

It comes as no surprise to any of us that marriage can be bad for women’s health, as can childbearing.  One of the men who studied the effect of women’s health and bad marriages mentioned only that it’s too soon to tell women to dump their husbands or find better partners:

March 4, 2009 — Women in tense, strained marriages are more likely than men to suffer from mental problems like depression, but also dangerous physiological conditions, such as high blood pressure and obesity, a new study shows…

However, he adds, “it’s a little premature to say they would lower their risk of heart disease if they improved the tone and quality of their marriages, or dumped their husbands.”

What he didn’t seem to think of was just not getting married at all.  Why get married, if it’s bad for women? Married men are healthier overall, but the same is not true for married women. So, it’s not really a wonder that women are opting out of marriage and kids for a myriad of reasons, not outside the realm of it’s healthier for them and means they will work less overall, earn more money, and enjoy better health.

My generation seems to think the marriage and kid bit is overrated and wouldn’t do it again.  In fact, in my age group, the over 30 group, I have entered into a pact to never let my friends marry again if something happens to their current relationship. I have been made to promise that I will do anything to dissuade them from marrying again.  Really, it’s no surprise.  Women do more work when they get married, and I am not the only one noticing.  Time Magazine just published an article on this issue in Taiwan:

In Taiwan, where most women have to front the cost of a high cost of living, entering into a marriage and having kids seems like a bad career move:

“Most women are afraid of losing their jobs” by taking time out to have a child, says Liu. He says Taiwan should follow the lead of European countries like Germany, where women are entitled to up to three years of maternity leave by law. Taiwan has been making progress in this area; in 2002, the government passed a law requiring companies to allow their employees two-year parental leaves without pay. This year, a policy came out that enables parents to take six months of parental leave while receiving 60% of their salary. But many say these changes only look good on paper, as most bosses discourage people from taking the time off.

Underneath these logistical issues, however, may be a fundamental shift in values. Two-thirds of working women in Taiwan are university-educated, and fewer of them are jumping into tying the knot early. “I’m not pursuing marriage,” says Hsu Yu-hua, a 30-something accountant in Taipei. “Not with today’s divorce rate [38% in Taiwan]. I’m financially independent, and it’s more convenient to be single.” Only a third of Taiwan’s women are married by age 30, in contrast to 20 years ago, when the average age for marriage for women was 26.

Perhaps what these commentators miss is the fact that get married just often translates into more work.  Add kids into the mix, and women work harder than men in the office, in a marriage, and at home and with kids.  Hmm, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that women might not want to take a salary hit for taking time off to get pregnant and birth a child, which is a huge physical hit, raise the child doing most of the work while heading to a job and proving that she can drop a baby without blinking and still “work as hard as the guys.”  Options that seem better:  not getting married or having kids and then there is no reason to prove anything in the job market.

A study done in the UK found men work 3 hours more in the office, but women put in far more  hours when child care and domestic duties are added to their work world.:

Today’s European Union-funded report, which examined working practices across member states, says that the average man in full-time employment works about 55 hours a week.In the UK that figure includes about 3.6 hours commuting, and eight hours of domestic work such as cleaning, cooking and child care.By contrast, the average working week for a woman in full-time employment in the EU is 68 hours.

For British women that comprises 40 hours in the office, 3.3 hours commuting and 23 hours a week spent doing domestic work.

Hmm, is it any wonder that women aren’t just jumping to sign up for that?  To add insult to injury, women aren’t equally represented in their work or legislatures in the UK:

… three quarters of the EU workforce is still managed by men and just nine per cent of full-time male workers are managed by women, says the report.

In the UK, women make up just under half the workforce, but they represent less than a third of legislators, managers and senior officials.

Hmm, same story here in the States too.  According to the MLA, women work more and advance at a slower rate.  I wrote about it a while ago:  Women Work More, Advance Less:  The True Tales of Women in Academia According to the MLA:

Add to this amount the average of 32 extra childcare hours per week, and it’s obvious that the women are working longer than the men, on all fronts.

Here are the numbers crunched for you:

Women:  work hours– 33.1,  childcare–32 hours, average work week:  65.1 hours

Men:  work hours–32.8, childcare–14 hours, average work week: 46.8

The MLA study says that childcare doesn’t necessarily factor in, because all women advance slowly.

I say the  jobs probably aren’t worth the effort, and many women agree with me:  men are more satisfied at work than women.

Another study shows that women just aren’t happy with the situation, particularly married women with children:

Study subjects kept diaries on how they spent a specific 24-hour period. Free time was measured as time not spent at paid work, household chores, child care, or personal tasks such as eating, grooming and sleeping. Participants were also asked how often they felt rushed during a typical day—never, sometimes or always.

Workload increased for women between 1975 and 1998, especially in comparison to men, the comparison showed.

In 1975, women and men had similar amounts of free time, but by 1998 a 30-minute per day gender gap had opened, with women having less leisure time than men.

“Women worked more hours in paid employment in 1998 than they did in 1975,” Sayer said. “The amount of time they spend in household labor declined during that period, but not enough to offset the increase in paid work hours.”

Feeling responsible

The odds of feeling sometimes or always rushed were more than twice as high for married women with children than it was for single, childless women. But men who were married and had children didn’t feel more rushed than single, childless men.

Men seem to relax more when they are married, and women seem to feel more rushed.  Now this article was published under “Strange News” stories, and I have also found that men, in particular, took umbrage with the statement that they don’t work as much, a Glenn something or other, have to look him up, in particular.

Glenn Sacks, got him, who has his own website where he extols upon the virtues of men taking “dangerous and physically demanding jobs” as evidenced by a panel of men who conveniently left out childbearing when comparing the work men and women did (don’t get me started on the number of women and children who die in the U.S. with its caveman views on childbearing).  Mr. Sacks even called out feminists by name while he states that men do more of the hard work, as in working in extreme heat, but  neglects to mention the physical toll women bear just in the 40 weeks of pregnancy alone, not to mention the weeks when a woman is pregnant and miscarries.  (For those of you who think manual labor is easier, I have some explicit photos of what happens to the vagina as a human head pushes through it.  I can even add in the gut-wrenching photos, literally of the surgical operation used to cut a woman’s child from her body, lest anyone believe that there is an “easy” way to birth a child.)  Thank heaven for this man who has determined that women’s work includes talking on the phone in the air conditioning:

Feminist surveys, such as the famous Second Shift by Arlie Hochschild, get “women do more” figures by a variety of disreputable gimmicks, recounted in great detail in Farrell’s Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’ Say. Remember, too, that all of these surveys (the serious ones and the feminist advocacy ones) count only hours. A man doing eight hours of dangerous construction work in the 100-degree heat is credited with no more than a woman who works in an air-conditioned office or who, in the comfort and safety of her own home (and without a supervisor breathing down her neck), cooks breakfast, takes the kids to school, packs her husband’s lunch and folds the laundry while chatting on the phone.

Oh, he is a prince, isn’t he?  Glenn Sacks, you get the Asshole Award of the Week, just for being priceless, endearing, ignorant-yet verbal, you.  Lucky woman who gets to spend time with this man will have her every move denigrated as he competes to say his work is harder.

After reading these quotes, is it any wonder women are turning down marriage?


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118 Comments leave one →
  1. Yes! permalink
    December 10, 2009 6:32 pm

    Sacks and his name alike have more of the same connotation as the same alleged sack that hangs between his legs. He is a real life hater of women who believes that men are abused just as much if not MORE than his brethren. He is a caveman, along with his minions, that do not think they get a fair shake thanks to Feminsists or as they lovingly call women who fight for every right they have as Feminazis. The only right that women have in this country is the right to vote…and that is about it.

    Great post to point out the absurdity of the drivel that continues to pollute the internet on how much men work so much harder and do not get the same benefits as women.

    Such as how women have domestic violence shelters and men have none. Sacks was so determined to prove this point he called several shelters in CA asking for a safe haven for him and his children that were being abused…basically prank calling, using up precious time for real victims. He fails to see past his sack and realize that there are DV shelters because someone saw the need for them. If he sees the need then he should build his own for the thousands of men that are allegedly suffering from abuse by their wives instead of complaining there is none…then again he would not have anything to complain about would he?

    Thank you for pointing out the irony in all of Sacks ideologies and thought process…which only proves what a sack he simply is.

  2. brokeharvardgrad permalink*
    December 10, 2009 7:16 pm

    I hadn’t realized he had gone so far as to try to find shelter by making prank calls to women’s shelters. It’s a sign that he has really gone off the deep end–who has the time to prank call domestic violence shelters? What a weirdo. Thanks for the update there!

  3. December 11, 2009 12:24 am

    His cult of followturds is even better :-) I wrote about when his “select” group of members targetted those providing funding to The Family Place in Dallas. He did this due to some ads they felt were offensive that had been placed on buses around Dallas on DART. You can search my blog or go to Alas, A Blog for more info. It was last December.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 11, 2009 5:54 pm

      If you could direct me with a link, that would be most helpful. I got caught up in reading the weird Delandale or something posts–lots of hate from that guy. It seems a lot of this is tied up with child custody issues in divorce court? I found it all odd, but you know, it’s the kind of thing that men who abuse others push, the lack of any level of responsibility for their own actions. I like your site.

  4. December 11, 2009 6:18 pm

    http://glennscult.blogspot.com/

    http://justice4mothers.wordpress.com/

    http://www.randijames.com/

    Good places to start to find all the women haters and their tactics

  5. justice4mothers permalink
    December 12, 2009 5:39 pm

    I love this article. I have gone as far as to suggest on my site that women need to consider all that a relationship and divorce mean if you end up making a mistake. Frankly, it is not worth losing your children, and be drained for child support even though he makes far more than you do, and be forced into homelessness even though you have an advanced college degree, as I have been. It is not worth the risk. Women need to be educated on these risks and consider visiting a sperm bank, with no strings attached, if they want to have a child.

    I wish I had.

    • August 25, 2010 7:29 am

      If a woman can’t find a good man, she shouldn’t just resort to a sperm bank. Believe it or not but children should know and have a relationship with their father. This article is pretty biased and seems to be the opinion of women who were in bad relationships. But I always say anybody who claims to have been in a bad relationship need to also look at themselves. A bad relationship can’t happen without the contribution of TWO people. BTW, I was divorced and once felt just as bitter about marriage, men and relationships in general.

  6. December 12, 2009 11:34 pm

    I love the man that I am with, and I am going nuts/crazy (kidding, technically) for the year that I can finally afford to move out and buy a home with him. Seeing him (7 minutes away) only a few times a week leaves way too much time on the phone for my brain cells to survive, generally. For someone such as myself who has remained in a very happy and loving relationship for almost approximately a year exactly, that is quite contrary to the prospect of being happier unmarried. Well, cohabitation, then. The only difference is the contract. You make one in your heart. Having kids is the only way to keep the planet going.

  7. December 12, 2009 11:42 pm

    Ever thought maybe it is not the results of the study, it is the personality and behavior of the individual…

    I really do not like the working world. I do not plan to have an office job if I can manage to no need one.

    It is the lifestyle and mindset and intelligence (sorry had to say it) of the personal that causes how they survive in relationships, oftentimes…

  8. December 12, 2009 11:46 pm

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25073096/

    Have you seen this?

    The Couple became closer when they took time to spend intimate time together, or any time together, for that matter.

    I personally get depressed when I don’t have a partner, and I am a girl.

  9. December 13, 2009 12:06 am

    http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2008/12/04/the-family-place-to-mras-instead-of-bashing-womens-organizations-stand-up-and-help-somebody-yourself/

    http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2008/12/02/anti-feminists-protest-domestic-violence-awareness-ads-in-dallas/

    These are the two writeups by ampersand of Alas, A Blog. He actually covered it very well. He has links to Sacks articles on these two articles.

    Basically Sacks and his crew were upset because there were two ads (there were three ads but they really only complained about two of them) that had pictures of children on them. One showed a picture of a young girl and said something to the effect of “When I grow up my husband will beat me”. The one with the young boy had the words “When I grow up I will beat (or kill can’t remember now) my wife.

    In smaller letters at the bottom of the ad it had the sentence “This could happen if your child witnesses domestic violence”. Again it was something similar to that. Sacks had a select group call up the bigger sponsors from The Family Place’s website and tell of their disgust of the ads. Of course he said some of the sponsors pulled their financial support of TFP, and that he was not happy or something similar.

    IMO (and again this is my opinion only – the rabid MRA’s hate me and will say I am committing libel), Sacks knew exactly what he was doing. Neither he nor anyone “civil” from his organization called up TFP regarding the ads. Paige from TFP said a few “nasty” callers called but she did not even know about this until it was full swing.

    Like I said, ampersand from Alas did an awesome job covering this story and he even did a fundraiser for TFP on his website last year and matched funds to send to TFP.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 13, 2009 4:32 pm

      It seems as if there is a lot of hate directed at you, but for what reason, I am not sure. Why would Sacks be so angry with you, or your blog, acting personally offended? I don’t get it.

      • December 15, 2009 4:12 am

        I have no clue why they hate me. Maybe it is because the history we had. I had a posting id and was trying to say there is no black and white where custody matters are concerned. The courts are indeed very corrupt with good parents losing all the time (notice I said PARENTS)? The rabid MRA’s hate me because they ass u me that I think only mothers are good and this is not true. I think that whomever has been doing the day in day out child rearing responsibilities should be the one (if it is safe to do so) to have the child live with them. The rebids want all the fun and none of the work. It has been shown many times over that when a man gets divorced he generally remarries much quicker and if he has primary placment of a child who ends up doing the day in day out child stuff? The new wife. In essence they cut the biological mother out of the picture. The rabids are also very angry that they must pay child support. And some (not all) mothers are unable to pay for everything to support a hosuehold adequately for a child (or multiple children) to live in, even working full time. Just because the mother cannot support a child fully without child support does not mean the child is better off with the father. The same holds true in reverse. The rabids want to punish a mother simply becuase she is poor.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        December 15, 2009 5:00 pm

        I wonder if they just want to punish women period. Poverty has its own moral code in this country, tantamount to sin in America, but that still doesn’t explain there level of anger toward you. I was confused by it. I agree that the courts are very biased. There is a site about Michigan courts, which has begun to explore how the courts are influenced by money, and it’s called “How to Buy the Michigan Courts.” It’s a WordPress blog, but that starts to explain some of the corruption. There is always a money trail.
        Child support has long been an issue for men; think about “Gold Digger” and other songs that offer warnings about not “getting stuck for 18 years.” It’s a highly prevalent issue in popular culture too.

  10. December 14, 2009 6:37 pm

    Think about it. Marriage, pair-bonding, or any other 1 0n 1 arrangement is not natural. It is nothing more than a patriarchal doctrine. For millions of years, our Pleistocene ancestral women did not pair-bond. They had children only when they deemed it advisable, given the circumstances, they controlled their own conception, and they mated with many different men, but only those who they judged worthy (which they evaluated via mate assessment). Children were raised communally, mostly by women. That is until the advent of patriarchy and the Inversion (co-opting woman’s sexuality and inverting it to serve the specific agenda of woman as breeding stock and chattel). No wonder woman demonstrate so many adverse reactions to marriage, it’s contrary to their innate sexuality.

    Interested? See http://www.esybron.org

    • August 25, 2010 7:33 am

      I always say that if marriage is a patriarchal doctrine then it is the invention of fathers looking out for their daughters. Of course, this doesn’t guarantee that the daughter will marry a winner. She may consciously choose a loser despite her father’s warnings.

  11. Mike permalink
    December 14, 2009 7:06 pm

    Wow – that was a really biased and confusing read. I think the main problem is that women, for the past 50 years or so, have entered into the work force. Studies show that women who work are generally more unhappy with themselves and thier families.

    Maybe women need to stop being so selfish and go back to being home makers… You’ve got kids, ladies? And you feel rushed? Boo-hoo… maybe it’s guilt because your gene’s are telling you to spend more time with your offspring while you selfishly focus on your career.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 14, 2009 8:33 pm

      Or, we could just decide not to progenate at all, and then where would you guys be? The women said they don’t want husbands or kids, that they fail to see how having a husband gives them any more happiness. Guess you make the case in point. Is any woman interested in marrying this guy? So far the answer has been an overwhelming no, but I will make the request for you Mike…

    • Kelly permalink
      January 10, 2010 1:34 am

      Well, the way I see it, women have a choice. Raising children doesn’t have to be a woman’s only job (or her job at all). I want to live my own life – doing things I want to do to make me happy. If that means not getting married and not having kids, well …wait, why does this even have to be said?

      Get your head out of your ass.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        January 11, 2010 1:52 pm

        Whose head is in their ass? The reason the article has garnered such attention is because many people assume women want to get married and have kids. There are a few detractors who say that women should do this because of gender roles, but I think it’s been a flashpoint because so many people assume that a married life with kids is a “given” for women’s desires. But then again, popular society still has football commercials with women’s lips coming off (Mr. Potato-Head) and guys choosing beer over women (Lite beer) and women showering for the sole purpose of feeding men’s sexual desires (as opposed to getting clean), so it’s not much of a surprise to see that so many men failed to understand this basic concept.

    • August 25, 2010 7:37 am

      I somewhat agree with this. When the women started working, they created more work for themselves. Not only are they tired from their 9-5 job but have to come home to perform housework as well. I say if the husband isn’t forcing her to do all the housework, she might as well pace herself and do only what she can. Of course, this may mean leaving dirty dishes over night and an un-vacuumed living room but she’ll survive. If the hubby becomes annoyed about an unclean house, he can certainly pick up the slack.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        September 17, 2010 7:34 pm

        I think that you are missing the point of really understanding abusive relationships, unhealthy relationships for women, and women who simply don’t want to get married, period. It’s not about how to have a good marriage, but this discussion is about women who don’t want to get married, for benefits or detriments. “Surviving,” as you call it, by simply not doing the dishes, is a far cry from the abusive and deadly situations many women face in marriage. Husbands are the number one killers when it comes to the violent deaths of women. Are all husbands like this? No, obviously not, but I think you should be very careful about how you categorize marriage as a “surviving” dirty dishes and the like, because many women have a deadly situation at home that has nothing to do with the dishes.

    • The gladly independent woman permalink
      December 21, 2010 11:21 pm

      So do you consider yourself to be working class or do you consider yourself part of the aristocracy. Assuming you’re not the top 1 percent of earners or retired you probably have to work for a living. And where you got the idea that working class women get to have a choice whether or not they work is beyond me. Being able to stay home with kids is a LUXURY today. Women are forced to work due to the stock market crash, husband not making enough, expense of health insurance, the rising cost of college for their kids, higher living expenses, and saving for that increasingly elusive retirement. Where is the luxury of choice there? They are sacrificing all of their time for their family, and attacking that as selfishness sounds ignorant. Watch the news much?
      Why not add to your blame game argument & blame men for creating economic turmoil and telling husbands they’re selfish if they don’t make enough money to allow their wife to stay home and take care of the kids. Cuz gosh, if he made enough money they wouldn’t have to. So he’s the failure, what’s wrong with HIM anyways? Ermm…isn’t he supposed to be able to support the family? Can’t he even do that much?
      Moms aren’t working a job to prove some kind of a point or because they know it will annoy you.
      Work on your issues, mannn.

    • July 22, 2013 11:06 am

      I know this is a older comment but,some man wrote this here,Mike PERMALINK
      December 14, 2009 7:06 pm
      Wow – that was a really biased and confusing read. I think the main problem is that women, for the past 50 years or so, have entered into the work force. Studies show that women who work are generally more unhappy with themselves and thier families.
      Maybe women need to stop being so selfish and go back to being home makers… You’ve got kids, ladies? And you feel rushed? Boo-hoo… maybe it’s guilt because your gene’s are telling you to spend more time with your offspring while you selfishly focus on your career.

      Mike,how dare you insinuate women should go back to to being home makers(unless,they want to on their own) and by the way,not everyone is happy with their jobs (including men) not just women! Keep your own narrow minded opinions to yourself! I think,you should take reality lessens because,women have to work in order to survive.They don’t have much choice in this world and it doesn’t make a woman selfish,either.Your ideas are old fashioned and you should mind your own business. Weirdo!

  12. December 14, 2009 8:45 pm

    Thankfully there are some really smart scientist in Britain who have learned how to grow sperm in a lab…the future IS bright!

    http://mamaliberty.wordpress.com/2009/07/17/british-scientists-grow-sperm-in-laboratory/

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 14, 2009 8:48 pm

      Hell, guys give that away almost for free. All women need is a good freezer. But I agree that the future is bright!

    • August 25, 2010 7:38 am

      If women are complaining about childrearing – and this with an extra hand from a husband – why on earth would they want to attempt parenthood as a single? That’s a “no thanks” from me.

  13. Lara permalink
    December 14, 2009 9:32 pm

    It’s nothing new that women (mothers in particular) work a “second shift” at home. Arlie Hochschild described how childrearing and homemaking have fallen mostly on women’s shoulders way back in 1990, despite all the lofty talk about fatherhood over the last twenty years. The “new” fatherhood is all talk and little substance. Women are tired of being treated like servants so that’s one big reason they file for divorce. This article is right about so many things.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 14, 2009 10:30 pm

      Actually, it’s not been popular when it’s cited as a reason for divorce, but a number of my friends who have filed have said that they filed for divorce as a way to rest. As they see it, especially where young children are involved, the only way to get the father to take equal responsibility for raising and taking care of his children (and this includes, schoolwork, household maintenance, clothing, laundry, chores, feeding, and all the rest of the details related to the care of small children), was to separate and have the father be given joint custody by the court. In other words, they sought divorce as a way to have a 50-50 split for the responsibilities of caring for the kids. I don’t know that divorce fixed their issues with the father of their children, but it was a lot less work to be a single mother for those women than to add the husband into the mix.

      • Lara permalink
        December 14, 2009 10:38 pm

        LOL I heard exactly that reasoning when I first divorced. Dads of my divorced friends saw their kids more after the divorce than when they were still married to mom. Mom in effect got every other weekend off – something she hadn’t had when married. Sadly, it too often doesn’t work out that way, especially when you deal with abusive men, and many men farm off the kids to their moms, girlfriends, or wives while they go hang out with the guys, but it is an interesting observation. Also, going for 50/50 has actually been shown to make things worse for moms because if dad is a control freak or abusive, he tries to maintain control over her life and childrearing methods after the divorce. Shared parenting in Australia is about to be rolled back because it’s been a three year long disaster for moms and kids.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        December 15, 2009 4:50 pm

        Yes, reality is often different than the imagined expectations–a good partner remains a good partner married or no. And, when the divorce happens, that doesn’t necessarily make a bad partner turn good. How is shared parenting in Australia changing?

      • Lara permalink
        December 15, 2009 5:54 pm

        Brokeharvardgrad, shared parenting (aka joint physical custody) was tried as an experiment Down Under for three years and it has proven to be an abysmal failure. Shared parenting laws are being rolled back, and fathers’ rights activists in Australia are livid about it. Here’s an article that goes into more detail about shared parenting in Australia:

        http://www.abc.net.au/worldtoday/content/2008/s2587963.htm

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        December 15, 2009 7:23 pm

        I can understand why fathers would be upset if they were relegated to the “weekend parent” or were relegated to the sidelines. I wonder what the definition of “primary carer” is?

      • Micheal permalink
        March 16, 2010 11:33 pm

        But it would be a grave mistake to think that the whole legislation is deeply flawed, it would also be a grave mistake to amend the law on the basis of anecdotes or horror stories. We need proper evaluation, proper research and careful thought.

        This is actually what that article was saying. It is amazing some people Point feminists don’t want the dads to have equal custody. While I agree you don’t always have to have an exact 50% – 50% split I think you should if all possible as parents work out a plan that would be in the best interests of the child.

  14. Lara permalink
    December 14, 2009 9:44 pm

    So Sacks quoted Farrell favorably? Ha! Warren Farrell was quoted in a 1977 issue of Penthouse speaking about “positive” incest, and he’s been trying to keep that Penthouse interview under wraps for decades, but it just won’t go away. Here’s one person’s take on the Farrell/Penthouse/Incest business:

    Warren Farrell, Penthouse, and Positive Incest

    Also, Farrell’s book “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say” was one great big whining waste of time. Read this review of the book that shows just how worthless and petty Farrell really is.

    XY Online: Review of Warren Farrell’s “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say”

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 14, 2009 10:31 pm

      I haven’t read all of those articles, but thanks for pointing them out to us. I had never known some of this was out there, and you have provided a lot of information for us to read. Thank you!

      • Lara permalink
        December 14, 2009 10:39 pm

        You’re very welcome. There is lots of material about the father’s and men’s rights movement out there that show the movements in all their controlling, angry, and misogynistic glory.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        December 15, 2009 4:51 pm

        Well, yes, I am finding that, rather to my dismay. I think that some of the vitriolic commentary is what is most scary. At what point do some of these men stop?

    • December 15, 2009 12:30 am

      Hey, thanks for posting my stuff here. Love the article. It covered all the issues very thoroughly, with a little bit of snark which is always nice when dealing with father’s rights activists. :) I no longer work on custody and father’s rights issues, since I’m now a sex writer (talk about a switch), but I kept my old archives. Put on a pot of coffee and get ready for some entertaining and informative reading. :D

      If you’re interested in more dirt about the true nature of the father’s and men’s rights movements, check out these categories on my blog:

      Father’s Rights (FR)

      Family Issues And Family Law

      Fathers 4 Justice

      Father’s Rights Poster Boy – Darren Mack

      Abuse Denier and FR Dean Tong

      FR Lowell Jaks/Alliance For Non-Custodial Parents Rights

      Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the father’s rights movement is on my blog. Thanks for such a great article. Every point you made is dead on.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        December 15, 2009 4:55 pm

        I am glad you appreciated the article, and I appreciate the list of the movements. I had seen some of those sites, but I had never gone through them in the past. You used to work on custody issues? I understand the topic of sex is infinitely more appealing, but as a writer, is there a reason you left the old work?

  15. December 14, 2009 11:52 pm

    Guess it depends on one’s definition of marriage. An abuser’s definition – is sort of like- I have the right to a slave whom I can rape,beat, destroy as I wish. She is my possession.

    If that is what someone wants- well- . However- as most women are brought up to believe they are humans- with some basic human rights – - – it comes as a – life destroying shock when one realizes that – one is NOT viewed as human by the abuser. Then- one learns that there are some few dedicated to abuse people out there- so -you can’t GET free- can’t live in peace. If you live.

    My parents’ marriage showed me the “ideal”- but- it seems to have – disappeared- although-I don’t suppose those with “good” marriages have any idea about thje social scourge that is growing – - -how could they ?

    Then again- even a squeaky clean Tiger- apparently couldn’t – stay civilized- – - -

    I do think the abusive crimes are learned- there was an extraordinary study done on monkeys- islands off Japan- one group had no abuse of females- another group- it was rampant-same physical environment- food etc.- researchers could find no difference between the groups- so concluded it was – earned- cultural.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 15, 2009 4:53 pm

      Hmm, abuse is something I think of as a constant, as in there will always be abusive people. I know that some of it is learned, but some abusers are truly emotionally disturbed individuals, lacking a conscience.

      • December 15, 2009 5:47 pm

        I had done activist work for a decade and decided it was time to move on. Child custody and divorce work takes a lot out of you, and I wanted to move into a new field. I like being a sex writer very much. The pay is better :) and there’s much less stress. I do keep track of what’s going on in child custody and divorce issues but I am not nearly as active as I used to be.

      • December 16, 2009 8:31 pm

        I agree- the “problem” is- when these abusers (criminals) get custody-and get paid by the battered ex-wife- to continue abusing -The abusers are louder now- and seem to be -attracting other abusers- then they get into “groupthink”- and one finds- on a scale of 1-10- 10 being potential wife murderers and child sexual aggressors- 1- being – controlling/manipulative- the fr gangs appear to suck in some – numbers one through 7- the others were already in the gang.Male supremecists- with attributes in observable behavior- as destructive as any terrorist group – -

  16. December 14, 2009 11:54 pm

    sorry ! I typed earned ! meant LEARNED-
    please excuse my typos.Freezing fingers- cold north wind you know – -

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 15, 2009 4:53 pm

      freezing cold here too!

  17. Mary Lou permalink
    December 15, 2009 1:09 am

    Warren Farrell what a joke!! He is childless and has never had children but writes as an expert on fathering. He believes in incest and pedophilia and the only qualification he has is in political science and nothing whatsoever to do with psychology. He tries to buy credibility because he was a member of NOW in the 70′s and still brags about it today, but forgets to mention they threw him out because all he was doing was looking to get laid. He’s an all round fraud and a creep and I personally would love to get a look at his hard drive if you know what I mean?

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 15, 2009 4:57 pm

      One of the other commenters submitted links with Farrell’s work in it that promoted incest as an extension of family togetherness or some such trash.

  18. December 15, 2009 5:06 pm

    When do they stop? In my own experience with the constant litigation and stalking by my xhole abuser…it NEVER stops! Mothers are being jailed by protecting their children from abuse or the child refusing to see their abuser/father…I am one of them.

    Men view women and children as chattel…our foremothers I think would be saddened at the progress that women have made in the last 100 years or so. I am sure that they thought back when they won the right to vote that their daughters daughters daughters would have equality in all aspects of life and in fact the only right that women still have is the right to vote.

    We have to fight for the rights to our bodies, we have to fight for equality in the workplace, we have to fight to keep our children from abusers. But that is fine with me….I like a good fight….because I am a woman and I make life in my body (if I choose) and not a single man can perform such miracles.

    • Micheal permalink
      March 16, 2010 11:24 pm

      I think that a lot the comments here are delusional. Borderline psychotic. I do not think men in general want to have their wives as chattel. And it is true both sexes equally batter and abuse on another. It is easy to assume because some books and new media have told you that all men are bad and all women magically are good. That would be a great mistake. I think sites like this want people not to get married and have a good family. I think that in the 50s and before the division of labor was man works woman stays at home. But now the dynamic maybe be different. But I don’t think that women do more at home because the man is a lazy bum. I think if you pick someone and don’t discuss your marriage values you end up with all kinds of stuff. I look up Warren Farrel and didn’t see the nefarious article or book. Generally it looks like people are believing the lie that marriage in itself is bad. Nothing can be further from the truth, it is as all relationship made up of people. People define marriage not the other way around. Good families are usually married, children are healthy, the family is stronger. Everyone has to pull their weight. You can’t have children and not be expected to raise them. We have become so selfish as a society everything is about the cult of ME. Sacrifice and hard work. The only way to have a successful family, a career, whatever. And to the women who are here why not actually back up your statements with facts? Why do you name call? The reason some of those men call some women femanazis is because the orgin of the feminist movement is based on Socialism and Communism. Communist goals is to destroy the basic unit of society which is the family. Trick the women into believing they are oppressed, and overthrow society hand it to the state. Here we are a state of unhappiness why because the family is constantly being attacked. You don’t want to marry fine, but why discourage other people? WHen you are old and gray the job won’t be there. It is the family it is the relationships you have invested in.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        March 18, 2010 6:09 pm

        Many women don’t find satisfactory relationships with men, so their points are different than yours. Warren Farrel’s writing is out there, and it’s disgusting. Perhaps a better search would aid you in that, and there are links to his published comments condoning incest. Don’t defend him if you haven’t see his writing, because it’s sick. You speak of an equal relationship with men and women, and it’s obvious from their comments that many women haven’t had that. Women don’t need to be tricked into believing they are oppressed–many are. I think you are missing the point: the women commenting don’t want to get married OR have children, so they aren’t asking someone else to raise their kids. They are saying they don’t want husbands or kids at all.

  19. December 16, 2009 8:42 pm

    re: voting- if you are a battered beaten up woman trying to hide from further abuse- one cannot vote- name etc. appears on lists of voters. If one DOES allow oneslf to vote- and is found and hurt again- one risks some judge blaming you for “exposing” yourself- along the same lines of- blaming the rape victim-
    Why are some men like this ?- Battered wmoen don’t really CARE- they want to be not beaten up- and their children to be not raped- – -
    Always had abuse/abusers yes- except now- they have more support- and get to “win” over their victims.The disparity between a society that wants to think that -law etc. takes care of- and that we care about children (and mothers) -as a society- and- the real world- is- mind twisting. There are two different universes out there- and the supposedly benign one knows little or nothing about the sick one.
    My fingers have warmed up !

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 17, 2009 1:33 am

      You know, I have noticed an extreme lack of reaction to violence against women in all areas of our government, from the cops to whom I had to report a stalker back in undergrad (who was later arrested by a SWAT team and held for psychiatric treatment, but was “probably a nice guy who got confused” the first time I reported him, until the whole psyche and SWAT bit), to the government failing to protect women in the armed services (sexual assault stats of 1 in 3 women being assaulted in the service and then punished for reporting it), to governmental agencies that fail to investigate physicians who either participate in or fail to report abuse or document the injuries (just giving that guy a “break”). I know there are good men out there, and I have loved and continue to love my fair share, but at an institutional level, the response to violence against women is nothing short of criminal.

  20. December 23, 2009 9:09 am

    Surviving divorce is a challenge in itself, but did you know that divorce is also one of the leading causes of bankruptcy today? As a divorcing party, if you are not careful, a divorce can burn through all of your assets and leave you with nothing but debt.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 23, 2009 5:53 pm

      Yes, divorce can be very costly. I didn’t realize it was one of the leading causes of bankruptcy. Thanks for sharing that important info.

    • August 25, 2010 7:21 am

      Divorce is expensive only if neither parties can handle it peacefully.

  21. December 29, 2009 11:00 pm

    Some excellent material here. Abusers don’t stop- ever- until they are stopped. I cannot comprehend how it is- that if some big burly male attacks me and tries to kill me and rapes my children- and I live and can identify him etc.- ; he will be charged ,arrested and put in jail. But if there is some kind of relationship- father, husband, botfriend, uncle ,brother etc. – I get to be blamed- and never protected- and if I go for divorce, I will in all likelihood lose custody and have to pay the rapist- or at best, retain custody- but will be subjected to abuse- as well as the children- on every visit. Institutionalized insanity.We know, if we read news at all- that a lot of “visits”- end up with death- of children and/or mothers and sometimes,thankfully, the criminal.Dr. Ron Gerughty- you got it- exactly !

  22. March 18, 2010 7:00 pm

    The graveness is due to the flawed system…a severely flawed system. The Center for Judicial Excellence highlights some of the horror stories…and they are out there. http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org/

    The BEST part of it all Michael is that WE are taking action and judges are being investigated and held accountable for placing children with abusive MEN. This is not a gender issue…I am NOT a feminist…I am a Maternalist.

    IF a father is not abusive…he does not fight a mother for sole custody. We are not talking about those men. As we saw in the news just recently a San Bernardino Judge Robert Lemkau refused to grant a restraining order and called the woman a liar, the judge allowed the abuser access and the father killed the infant and himself.

    see transcript here: http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org/documents/Tagle-Garcia_1-21_Transcript.pdf

    Now if that isn’t an eye opener to NOT get married and/or have children.

  23. May 1, 2010 9:25 am

    Not married and happily single. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks to feminism I’m liberated from that responsibility.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      May 11, 2010 4:52 pm

      Many people feel exactly like you do, Ben. That’s the idea behind a liberated movement.

    • Heather permalink
      February 21, 2011 9:23 pm

      Then what keywords led you, one wonders, to a site about women not wanting you or your sperm?

  24. Anonymous permalink
    August 25, 2010 7:04 am

    It depends on your overall attitude about being in a marriage. If your expectations are unreasonably high and you depend on your husband for happiness then you’re doomed to be disappointed. Personally, I quite enjoy my 2nd marriage and am not afraid of the unknown. I have enough confidence in myself to believe that I can and will pick up myself after a divorce (because I have). I have no problem starting over if it comes to that a second time around.

  25. August 25, 2010 7:18 am

    I’m under the impression that the unhappy wife is the wife who always want things done her way. I’m perfectly happy in my 2nd marriage because I don’t stress myself over who is doing what and who should be doing what. That was definitely the problem in my first marriage because I was too controlling. My entire happiness seemed to depend on getting things my way so it was easy to blame the ex whenever I was miserable. It got to the point where I couldn’t respect his decisions and when he called the shots I saw that as a direct violation against my input – sometimes even misinterpreting it as male chauvinism. What I should’ve allowed was for him to make his own mistakes rather than try correcting them or emasculate him by gloating. The reason my 2nd marriage works is because I’ve learned to really understand my husband as he is and not how I think he should be. This is the key to my happy marriage.

  26. Gina permalink
    September 14, 2010 5:59 pm

    The reason my second marriage works is because my husband does not beat, rape or verbally abuse me. If it were not for finding a GOOD man I would have sworn them off for life. I have learned that not all men are bad…just most of them. The verbally abusive comments from the male gender only further prove that point.

  27. Biscuit permalink
    October 5, 2010 6:47 pm

    I’m more than a day late on this but I have been scouring in the Internet for a month trying to figure out why single women don’t wish to marry and why the marriage rate is plummeting. This was the only site that I have seen that addresses the issue. If you do the most recent searches on the marriage rate drop you will notice a huge amount of anger toward women. People think women who are choosing to remain unmarried are horrifically selfish and doing great damage to society. Married people seem to feel they are superior and make better choices. The posters also seem to think that men are refusing to marry because marriage doesn’t benefit them in any way, although I am not sure that is the case. I am a female in my late 40s. I’ve dated extensively. This is what I have found 1) Men do not feel it is their responsibility to help keep a house, bathroom and kitchen clean. 2) Men have no problem turning a girlfriend into a full time personal assistant to help with computers, letter-writing and dealing with all of life’s problems 3) Men loathe to help women with even the most simplest of tasks, such as removing a heavy air conditioner from a window 4) Men have holes in their pocket, if they get money it shall be spent within hours 5) Men will think of lots of creative ways to spend a girlfriend’s nest egg 6) Healthy eating and exercise are foreign concepts to most men 7) Having said all of the above, men become most liberated and enlightened when it comes to paying the bill at a restaurant. As I get older I am bumping into the nurse and purse daters, and that is a nightmare unto itself. Not only do I choose to remain single but the less I deal with men my age the better.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      October 13, 2010 10:32 pm

      Many women write to me with similar experiences. I have received angry notes from both men and women regarding the statistics that women don’t want to get married. Angry notes from women state that other women are just asking for too much, and men say that women should want to get married but make no comments about how they plan to work to make their partner want to stay committed. It’s an interesting debate, but I have plenty of friends, family, members and readers who write about being single by choice.

      • Biscuit permalink
        October 14, 2010 1:43 pm

        I’ve continued to a lot of reading about this subject in the last couple of weeks. Statistics say that “people” benefit from marriage. When you read further one finds that being married results in men earning more money, eating healthier, getting better medical care and having less stress. These studies fail to outline the benefits that women receive for being married. I have learned, though, being married for women results in earning less money, eating less healthy, gaining more weight, being responsible for much more housework and having much more stress than their single sisters. We learn that “people benefit from marriage” really means “men benefit from marriage”. I want to see the study that shows how women benefit from marriage. I’m not sure it exists. Women get married because there is intense cultural pressure to get married. This cultural pressure is on the decline. As the pressure diminishes so will womens’ desire to marry.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        October 26, 2010 3:16 pm

        Many of my friends talk about this phenomenon of marriage being better for men than it is for women. You are not alone in this, but studies to prove it might not be what people want to hear.

      • Blueeye permalink
        February 17, 2012 12:09 am

        Well, I am man. I feel better not being married. I am healthy in my forties. I don’t eat junk foods, workout and travel. Checkout ‘men going their own way’. On contrary to what you discuss, there are many questions raised why men want to stay single. Not to mention divorce, alimony, child custody, support etc etc.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        February 21, 2012 8:13 pm

        I am certain men often choose to stay single for many of the same reasons women choose to remain single.

  28. Ben permalink
    November 13, 2010 11:32 pm

    Your so wrong you laughable

    While women are more likely to die from Heart attacks, Hypertension, etc. REGARDLESS OF LEAVING RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Of course hypertension is going to rise for women in strained marriages.

    http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/59278.php

    http://circ.ahajournals.org/cgi/reprint/97/18/1837.pdf

    Get off your high horse Feminist.

    Read and weep.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      November 16, 2010 5:23 pm

      I am not so sure why I am supposed to weep. The fact remains that bad relationships impact health. Your response to women might just be exactly what the women who want to avoid marriage cite as an example of the lack of benefit for them.

    • Heather permalink
      February 21, 2011 9:25 pm

      Ahhh, there it is. “Happily single”, “Ben”? Methinks not. But mesees why.

  29. anonymous dude permalink
    January 12, 2011 8:09 pm

    I believe the main problem is the perception of marriage on our society today. I think the media portrays marriage as a union filled with eternal happiness and love. Many young girls and women see this and want that for themselves (who wouldn’t?). The problem is that this isn’t always the case. Just a few hundred years ago, marriage was more of a financial agreement. I also think women are: A) very anal about being clean, neat and perfect OR B) fairly chill, but are pressured by other women to be clean, neat and perfect. Many men are NOT, and this causes people to drive each other crazy. Women who do figure out that life isn’t all happy and glamorous probably don’t want to get married anytime soon, unless they have been dating someone who they love for a very long time. Sorry I’m a dude, but I’m in a program that has about 60% women and this is my view from the outside in. Blame the media, and educate yourself about the real world.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      January 12, 2011 8:56 pm

      Some women just see being married as too much work. Why work at it when they can live in separate places?

  30. Paul permalink
    May 6, 2011 5:43 pm

    The only way to enjoy a relationship with a woman is to put her under your submission,
    This is what most women want from Men, and it works perfectly in a relationship.
    I don’t mean being mean to them, but just going hard on them.
    Women are made from the beginning of creation to be the sub-servant.
    If a man gives up control to his wife , it’s when he should wait for the end of his peaceful relationship.
    giving women freedom = making them rude and bitch

    The end !

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      May 9, 2011 4:09 pm

      I don’t usually publish remarks from misogynistic assholes like this, but have at him, Readers. He is the perfect example of the rationale women use for not wanting to get married. Who wants to yoke herself to an idiot like this. May Darwin be his best friend.

      • susan permalink
        May 11, 2011 4:23 am

        “May Darwin be his best friend.”

        I doubt it. Darwin was all about survival of the fittest and adapting to a changing environment and all that rot. Guys like this can’t adapt to the changing roles of women, and they’ll just die out. Problem solved.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        May 11, 2011 2:56 pm

        That’s exactly what I mean by Darwin being his best friend.

    • Samantha permalink
      July 2, 2011 7:04 pm

      Is there a veterinarian in the house? Someone to do Paul’s neutering?

  31. dbsm permalink
    May 28, 2011 7:12 pm

    wow. the comments on this piece are still active? I remember reading this a couple years ago and I just found it and came back to bookmark it.

  32. NonTimboMala permalink
    May 29, 2011 4:05 pm

    I’m not surprised, If one gender decides that its entitled to fulfill both roles (the provider and the caretaker) or as the Christians and jews say both curses, they take the good with the bad.
    The fallout or the result, as in some nations of the past will be complete collapse.

    You can only shoot yourself in the foot for so long as the foot is still there.
    Sexism is different from racism, with sexism culture subtle dies, with racism wars are fought.

  33. Samantha permalink
    July 1, 2011 5:37 pm

    I am soooo happy to not be married! I have never even lived with anyone because right at about the one year mark is when all of the real-life crap starts happening and I have never been able to imagine living with the inevitable tensions that are part of being in a relationship. My home has always been my safe haven, and having turmoil in it just doesn’t seem like an option. I have dated a lot, been proposed to 3 times, and finally decided I am just not the marrying type and I am okay with it :-) And thankful to be a woman in American where this lifestyle choice is not taboo.

  34. Billie permalink
    August 19, 2011 3:39 pm

    I absolutely agree….Glenn is not only an Axx Hole but he is an empty vessel with nothing intelligent to contribute. He also….needs a realy big dose of manners. I am not at all surprised the women are opting NOT to marry. One day you wake up and see that everyone’s clothes are wash and nicely folded in their dresser drawers, the house is clean, the dog and cat are fed, and you are ready to walk out the door to commute to work and it hits like a raging storm. WHO am I? What happened to the person that use to be inside of me. I don’t even know what I like to do anymore….don’t even remember what MY dreams were. The worst part of that statement is the NO ONE under my roof has bothered to ask me either. No one seems to care as long as everything in their life is care for. Women care for everyone, not because they have to, but because they care and they want lives of their family to be good. It would be nice if someone felt the same way about them. Not enough has been said or written about the strong, giving, and tenderness nature of a woman’s heart.

  35. Sherea Surratt permalink
    October 5, 2011 2:29 am

    This is a great article, I don’t see why women put themselves through such physical and emotional turmoil to get their men to marry them, drag them down the isle and then struggle to keep him home and help her with the kids. It’s not worth the worry. I’m happily single and I like being about to call him up when I want him and put him out early the next morning before I have to go to work!

  36. Lilly permalink
    October 8, 2011 8:06 pm

    Almost every time I tell someone (man or woman) that I don’t want to get married, they look at my like, “say it isn’t so!”. Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I want to get married or have children– they are not mutually exclusive. I chalk it up to the fact that most people are conformers. I once watched surveillance of a person being kidnapped in a parking lot in broad daylight, in an obvious struggle (complete with opened door van), with a bunch of people watching, and nobody did anything. People generally like to go with whatever everyone else is doing. I got more resistance to my not wanting marriage or children than that person in need of being saved from kidnappers got.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      October 18, 2011 5:01 pm

      I know many women like you, but it does draw attention. Most people want to believe that women like being married and having kids, just as most people will do anything to not admit to watching a kidnapping.

  37. Matt permalink
    October 9, 2011 9:03 am

    I was reading this and thinking to myself, this article is pretty biased and has alot of holes in it. I saw a comment by some guy who calls himself Dr. and thought, marriage is a good thing for men AND women. Relationships that are healthy are good for both sides of the sex. Men feel they have no voice in this society of basically kiss a woman’s ass and give her what she wants. In Western Culture there’s this constant vibe that women think they’re better than men, on every level, and it’s only getting worse. Feminism has helped to create this force of anti-marriage, anti-kid bearing, anti-men….. It hurts women I think more than men but it certainly hurts men as well. Marriage isn’t about control but it’s about sharing your time and love with someone you know and care about. I think most of the people who would agree with this type of thinking (for this article I mean) are loathing, unhappy and unsatisfied people deep down inside and some of them are so unhappy that they don’t even realize it. I was once a single man for a very long time. I did date but I could never find myself in a long term relationship much less finding my future wife. It’s something you can’t just go look for honestly. During those long years, I spent most of my time working and when off work, lonely and longing for companionship and someone to hang out with. As a man, I wanted marriage eventually and I found that to be odd. At some point back then, after dating countless women who were habitual at lying, playing mind games and doing some more ridiculous game playing, I hated women. I couldn’t stand them. In those days of hating women, I found myself thinking marriage is stupid, women are stupid, the whole idea of ever having to spend my time with someone of the opposite sex is just absurd much less being constrained in some sort of restrictive setting such as marriage! Indeed, marriage means alot of sacrifice from what you would normally do as a single person. It doesn’t mean you gotta give up some stuff you really enjoy but it does mean you gotta think about what’s best for the other person over your own self at time. So after I passed that point of hating, I ended up being at more peace with myself and being more happy with myself. Eventually I met my wife and we got married 2 years after 1st meeting. Women have a choice, and so do men. In this country women have the upper-hand on so many avenues so I find it very hard to believe that any woman is bounded by some control considering the many places that offer women haven. In fact, so much so that men are essentially ignored. Women don’t want to get married or have kids, GREAT! But MOST women do eventually want to marry and many want to have kids at some point, even in this country still. Having a kid is a gift that I think should be cherished by a loving woman and man. I don’t think that the person who wrote this article or the people who support it’s contents really have a thorough understanding that’s not biased on how well marriage really works for both sides of the party (as I could point out and make my own article as to why men shouldn’t marry and have kids but that would mean I’d have to be pretty harsh).

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      October 18, 2011 4:59 pm

      You could certainly write the article, even being harsh. Women have been unhappy in marriage, just as other women have been happy in marriage. The point is that not all women are happy in marriage, and they are being vocal about that. I wouldn’t say that a statement from you that women have so much that men are essentially ignored is based on fact, and it discredits the message I think you are trying to make, which I assume runs along the lines of : marriage is good for some people. I wouldn’t assume more than that, if I were you.

  38. mrfixit permalink
    December 5, 2011 5:50 am

    this article is stupid. If a woman is going to have ids she shouldn’t be working period. This is common sense. If you must work at the same time that your aise kids you shouldn’t be having kids even if you want them. This is why men are supposed to work and women are supposed to stay home. Only psycho feminists think they are entitled to work and raise a family at the same time

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      December 7, 2011 6:47 pm

      Does this mean you assume all the work of child-rearing rests with the mothers? Hello, fathers aren’t just sperm donors! But rest assured that the article is about women not wanting to get married and have kids because they don’t want to have to do all the work. They are just opting out.

      • Billie permalink
        December 7, 2011 7:03 pm

        Sounds like the comment from mrfixit…..came from a man.

      • Blueeye permalink
        February 17, 2012 12:47 am

        Certainly your issue is around child-rearing. You can opt out it. There are many men want to marry but don’t want a kid. One can have a kid by not marrying too. Also many men opt out marrying becaue of the state mediated contract issues.

      • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
        February 21, 2012 8:13 pm

        I think the issue for many women stems from the fact that they don’t want to take care of a man, nor do they want to take care of a child. Marriage, to them, includes both.

  39. Sarah permalink
    February 21, 2012 7:01 am

    Wow. I understand the added work of being a mother. I have two small boys and a husband that has been deployed for the past 9 months, meaning I am literally running the household and taking care of the children by myself. Do I have free time, no. Do I feel rushed, yes. Am I sometimes stressed, of course. If I had to do it all over again, would I. YES!!! I love my husband. My husband is a handful and our relationship is work. I think when a woman finds a man whom she loves and she knows without a doubt that he loves her, you want to share and express this love by having his children. Its a gift to him and to you. I love my children so much and they have completely changed my life in a great way. There are sacrafices. I am not even on my priority list and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a parent and a wife takes a ton of sacrafice and selflessness but the fulfillment that comes with the job is priceless. I feel bad for the women that have sworn off men and having children, they are missing out on something I treasure and value so much.

  40. Goaty McCheese permalink
    April 29, 2012 3:04 pm

    Let’s make one thing clear: women aren’t getting married because *men* are clamoring for it.

    For all its in-your-face bluster, this article primarily conveys a sense a fear which presumably is attributable to insecurities of its author.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      May 1, 2012 7:28 pm

      I don’t think your comment makes a whole lot of logical sense; however, I generally publish most comments. One element of a strong critique is determining the voice of a piece, and simply reporting on a story doesn’t necessarily preclude agreement with a piece. Seems your critique is a bit lackluster. Don’t worry: I still published it.

      • Billie permalink
        May 1, 2012 7:57 pm

        I agree with you …. I would say it is attributable to Goaty’s insecurities .

  41. July 12, 2012 7:08 pm

    Women just sit in the AC all day and talk on the phone? Um, I lay black top and as my second job, do roofing contract work. Which is much harder than sitting on the side of the road, spending 2 hours of hard work in 100 degrees heat, and the remaining 6 lazing in the sun, bullshitting with the guys.

  42. ThisIsTrue permalink
    March 12, 2013 4:33 am

    most of the women nowadays like to cheat a lot, and just can’t seem to be committed to just only one man anymore. whatever happened to the good women that we had years ago? the women of today have a very bad attitude problem, and play hard to get.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      March 12, 2013 8:15 pm

      Hmmm, if you put women down, they may not want to be with you.

      • Bill permalink
        April 8, 2013 4:13 am

        have to certainly agree, women have changed over the years and finding a very good one is very difficult today.

      • ThisIsTrue permalink
        April 8, 2013 8:06 pm

        well i am not certainly not surprised at all how women have changed over the years, and i am one of many men by the way that certainly hates to be alone and would love very much to find a good woman to share my life with. who would want to grow old alone and have nobody at all?, not me. it is bad enough to have to go to work and then come home to an empty apartment with nobody there. that is why many single men like me will go out every single night just not to be home alone, and are hoping to find love again.

  43. Absolutely Right permalink
    April 7, 2013 7:10 pm

    first of all with so many women that love to CHEAT nowadays, they would certainly not know how to be committed to just ONLY ONE MAN anyway. and years ago, much more women were certainly much more BETTER EDUCATED than the ones that are out there now. and they were VERY COMMITTED to their men, and ACCEPTED them for who they were which they didn’t have to be RICH either.

    • brokeharvardgrad permalink*
      April 17, 2013 8:17 pm

      Why do you assume things have changed?

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