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Stupid in Spades: Men’s Sexuality Somehow Determined by Salon Writer over Beer

January 25, 2010
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Oh great, a Salon writer has determined that men are afraid of women after she discusses this subject over “too many pitchers of beer.”  One might point out that “too many pitchers of beer” might be influencing a discussion, why go there?  Why not say that feminism scares men?  Why not?  Ah yes, the environ of great social research studies galore, the bar:

Blame today’s limp-dick literature on the “crusading feminists” who stridently railed against these virile novelists, she says.Her argument is uncomfortably reminiscent of the claim that sexually aggressive college girls are scaring guys soft or that the lack of retro dating rules has rendered young men fearful and weak (read: feminine). As overblown as these arguments can be, I suspect they provoke so much ire because they have a strain of truth (just as I admire Roiphe as a polemicist with a keen cultural understanding, despite her tendency to cherry-pick evidence). Feminism has culturally upended many things, including our notions of masculinity, and that can be frightening. I’ve had too many candid conversations with too many guy friends over too many pitchers of beer to have any doubt about that.

I’ll be the first to say that men’s defense of their own power position frightens me every day, but when the men start to be afraid we should suddenly we need to commiserate over pitchers of beer?  Oh jeez, what kind of whiny men does this woman hang around?

Many of us are trying to reconcile feminist thinking with … basically every other cultural message out there. Social change brings about growing pains. Where Roiphe and I differ is that she favors a return — at least in certain relational respects — to an earlier time when things were simpler, more straightforward. I, on the other hand, would like to see us keep on maturing. Roiphe’s dismissal of today’s sexually confused men is proof of just how far we have yet to go. It feels like she is shaming these male authors for failing to keep up their end of the bedroom charade. (You know, the one that makes it possible to have sex without either partner revealing any vulnerability or authentic, unrestricted emotions. The one where he “takes” her and, on cue, she quivers with passion.) She seems to believe that men, be they real or fictional, are supposed to emerge cocksure on the other side of young adulthood — or at least convincingly appear to.

And aside from feminists probably being totally pissed about feminism being a “cultural message” as opposed to fighting for equal treatment of both men and women in areas like pay equality, lack of discrimination at the workplace, and protection of women who have been assaulted, I am glad to hear at least one woman say that she is glad we could be maturing, but from what?  Are we “maturing” from a misogynist view?  Misogyny has nothing to do with maturation and everything to do with hurting women.  Even as teenagers, none of my boyfriends seemed to have hang-ups about sexual dominance or lack thereof with perceived manliness.  I am sure there are plenty of insecure men out there, but aren’t there also some guys who really see sex as a partner-based endeavor and not as a conquering crusade?  What happened to any men who just seem to like women?  Come on, we have all seen them, the guys who attract women like bees to honey.  You want to know their secret?  Those men just like women.

I mean they like all women, seem to delight in them actually.  Ever have a boyfriend like that?  I have, and it’s hell.  Everyone loved him, and that ended up being the problem.  But there are men like that out there.  There are men who think of women as equals.  Well, now I am beginning to sound like the teller of fairy tales and fables:  “they’re out there, they are.  They are…” But seriously, Men, let some of these women know you are out there.  It’s not fair that only your bimbos get to represent you to female population.

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