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Elizabeth Edwards Dumps Cheating John Edwards But Not to the Props She Deserves

January 28, 2010
John Edwards official Senate photo portrait.
Image via Wikipedia

Come on, cheating on your wife during her chemo treatment?  Heartless.  Cheating on your wife during her chemo treatment during your presidential race and conceiving a child with your mistress?  Irrevocably stupid.  Making your political aide claim the child as his to protect your own ambitions?  Sure to come back and bite you in the ass.  So goes the sad story of John Edwards, the man who can’t keep his pants closed when it counts, and yes, Gentleman, that can be held against you.  So, LoserNuts has lost supposedly everything when all this goes down and then his wife leaves him too, which is no surprise to anyone who has a smidgen of a brain, but why is Elizabeth taking the heat for this?

Who the hell knows.  Apparently her “fans” don’t approve, which just goes to show you that fans is another word for crazy people who have way too much invested some strange form of ownership.  So now Yahoo writer, Belinda Something-Or-Other characterizes Elizabeth’s story of her husband cheating on her while she is dying of breast cancer as “Downer.”  Oh, yeah, “Downer” because Elizabeth Edwards isn’t moving on to “better things” on her own accord but happens to have the unlucky public sentiment of pity for her breast cancer:

It’s not just about history, either. It’s about the future. Unlike Jenny Sanford, whose actions projected the image of a smart, liberated woman about to embark on a fantastic new life, Elizabeth Edwards is fighting Stage 4 cancer. We can imagine gorgeous, heartbroken, alimoneyed Elin Nordegren fending off flocks of suitors with a 9-iron. Elizabeth, on the other hand, will be a single mother with two children in grade school and a life-threatening illness. Downer.

Yep, doesn’t get more shallow than that, unless you want to talk about how John Edwards and Girlfriend Hunter apparently made a sex tape that the former aide taped back together so he could watch the sex tape with his wife and then publicly comment on it. Really, for all of us boring little people in Iowa or Michigan, television doesn’t get any better. What’s the freaky aide doing taping his boss’s sex tape back together so he can watch it with his wife?  Ew.  TMI Youngs!  We don’t need to know anything about the sex tape watching you did with your wife.  But, hey, when is marriage worse for the woman?  When she decides to leave her cheating guy and is declared a “downer” because she has also been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Even “news” outlets like Time are publishing articles with the inane titles preaching about not celebrating a divorce.  Time get off the friggin pulpit and print news.  Why would we celebrate someone else’s divorce anyway?  Isn’t that up for them to decide?

Just to set the record straight, John Edwards is the baby daddy.  Baby was conceived with his mistress while his then-wife was engaged in the messy battle of getting chemo for stage 4 breast cancer, a real damper for the libido for his wife but apparently not John who just has a kid with his videographer when his wife has messy health issues.  But, just in case you guys didn’t catch it, you might hook up with his aide who will not only claim your illegitimate children but might even pop some popcorn and watch your sex tape with his wife if you’re his boss.  Geez, isn’t America great?

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